Arse is for Aristotle

The #1 reason I love traveling is because it never ceases to fascinate me to see how similar and yet how different people are throughout the world. At the end of the day, the things that we have in common (the desires to: (i) love and be loved, (ii) take care of our loved ones, (iii) enjoy a good meal, (iv) be afforded a little human dignity) remind me that what we have in common is (or at least should be) what unites the human race, and we should respect one another based on this commonality rather than focus on our differences (such as religion or politics), which often end up dividing us.

However, it's the differences, I find, that offer me the most amusement. A couple from London was part of our snorkeling trip to the Blue Hole in the Red Sea, and provided some fascinating education regarding cockney, working class British slang. It has to do with rhymes, and replacing the actual word you mean with part of a word or phrase that such word rhymes with. It absolutely makes no sense and is thus absolutely wonderful and immediately had me hooked.

Some examples:
"Apples and pears" rhymes with "stairs" - one might say, "there's too many apples" but what they really mean is "there are too many stairs" - cockney often drops the second part of the phrase that actually rhymed with the original word, adding to the confusion and non-sensical aspect of this magical language.

"Trouble and strife" rhymes with "wife" - "the trouble's been nagging me"

"Bristol cities" rhymes with "titties" - "check out her Bristols!"

Wonder where "raspberry kiss" came from? English cockney! "Raspberry tart" rhymes with "fart" --> thus, "raspberry" (dropping the "tart") is cockney for "fart" - blowing a raspberry kiss actually means blowing a fart kiss. Who knew?

"I'm off for a macca" means "I'm going to take a crap": "Macca" is short for "Macaroni," "Macaroni" rhymes with "pony," "pony and trap" rhyme with "crap."

But my absolute favorite is the word "arse." I always thought it was just the way the British say "ass" but there is a cockney background to it: "arse" is pronounced the same as "aris" in British English. "Arse" is short for "Aristotle", "Aristotle" rhymes with "bottle," "bottle" is "glass," and "glass" rhymes with "ass." Get it??

There's even one step further: "April in Paris" rhyme with "Aris," "Aris" is short for "Aristotle," "Arisotle" rhymes with "bottle," "bottle" is "glass," "glass" rhymes with "ass" - that's a fine April you have there!

I'm totally going to learn and start speaking in cockney!