Love is

I generally shy away from the topic of love when it relates to me personally:

Mom: I love you Deb79.
Deb: ummm ok thanks mom. Talk to you soon.

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Little Bro: Hey Deb79, happy birthday big sis. I love you.
Deb: umm uh huh ok.
Little Bro: DUDE, say it back!
Deb: Huh? Eww stop being weird. Ok gotta run, bye!

**

But that's my family - I've never been very affectionate or "soft" with my family so it always makes me uber-uncomfortable when I'm put in a position where they expect me to be affectionate or soft. Generally I would just like for them to all know and be confident in the fact that I love them (because I mean...DUH, of course I love them) without me ever having to tell them...is that so much to ask?

I've generally had a problem with the word in the context of relationships as well. Mostly because, well...I think the word love means different things to different people. It can mean anything from a strong emotion for someone, to caring about someone, to a magical feeling you share with someone, to some emotion or condition of being that has no word but which basically ties your happiness with their well being and happiness...all of which are somewhat related but very, very different. Some people are more comfortable uttering the word than others (I'm on the extreme side of the spectrum where it's almost physically impossible for me to utter the words "I love you"). It seems to me that sometimes the word is used to describe extreme fondness and true enjoyment of someone's company and genuine feelings of care for a person, which are very real at the time felt, but also fleeting. And for those that are comfortable using "love" to describe those feelings, it works. But for me, I don't think the words "I love you" should describe feelings that are fleeting or come so easily (at least, not when directed at me) unless you can back it up with your actions. Words are easy but unless they're backed by actions, they are basically worthless (to me).

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Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to YOU. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts. - from The Last Kiss

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Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. - Robert Heinlein

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It's easier to say what love is NOT: When he/she cheats on you, that's NOT love. When he/she hurts you, that's NOT love. When he/she always puts him/herself before you and doesn't consider your happiness, that's NOT love. It's easy to identify what love isn't, but harder to identify what love IS.

I think about what it means for me to love someone - what is the universal element present in what I feel for those people I love and care for, whether that love is familial, friendly or romantic? And the word that comes to mind is fierce. That's the common element - the emotion I have for those that I love can best be described as a fierceness of heart - my desire that they be healthy, happy and safe is fierce. My loyalty to them is fierce. My desire to do what is in my power to make them happier is fierce.

My love isn't soft and tender. It's not showy or flowery or emotional. It's not eloquent in speech or poetic. Which is not to say love shouldn't be, because as much as I am not these things, I adore soft, tender, showy, flowery, emotional, eloquent, poetic love. It's just not the way I show it. I'm much more likely to show it by annoying you, being mean to you, arguing with you, nagging you, defending you to others when you're not around and generally thinking you're one of the most awesome people alive (although never telling you that to your face).