To be loved like Bella

All any girl wants is to be loved the way Bella Swan is loved by Edward and Jacob. To be so unconditionally loved by both...what a bittersweet dilemma. Nevermind that one is a bloodsucking vampire and the other is a shape-shifting canine.

I finished the Twilight saga last night, which means I can now rejoin the human race. Which entails getting some sun and not avoiding live interaction with humans. This makes me sound like I am in serious need of mental help, which might not be so far off from the truth.

***


People who don't know me well think I'm extroverted because I like to go out, socialize, love spending time with friends and am generally extremely loud. But those who have seen me deal with unpleasant situations know my tendency to completely withdraw when I need to deal with hard situations. When a loved one dies, when I go through a painful breakup, when shit happens...I need a few days completely to myself. Mainly, I think, I hate being vulnerable in front of others - in front of anyone. I hate letting people see me cry (for something that matters, that is. I don't care if people see me cry at a movie, which I do all the time). I hate making people feel uncomfortable because the situation is uncomfortable - when they don't know what to say, because there really are no words. I hate being unhappy in the slightest in the presence of others. In my case, misery does NOT love company. It doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, I shut everyone out until I feel more in control of my emotions, myself. Just another characteristic of my uber-control freak anal retentive OCD personality. Eventually, I re-enter the world.