Inspiration

I was chatting with a junior associate who went to the same law school about a professor we both had - one of the most inspiring people I've ever met, and started thinking: when was the last time I was truly inspired? It's been so long I can't recall. I attribute many things to age, but I think jadedness is definitely one of the bigger items. When you are young and innocent and impressionable and full of hope, it's so much easier to be inspired. I still recall those days in college and law school when everything still seemed possible, the future full of hopes and dreams. When a slogan like "be the change you wish to see in the world" filled me with hope and inspiration and determination. When I still thought that everyone can make a difference, no matter how small.

But as you get older, as you get more settled into your career path, as your life becomes intertwined with more responsibilities, as you realize your own limitations, as you realize that following one path means closing another, as you learn that disappointment is part of adulthood, and as the things/people you had hope in let you down, the jadedness starts steeping in.

I'm so jaded these days that little inspires me. Egypt fighting for its freedom? Eh, I'm fairly certain that Mubarak's regime will simply be replaced by another power-hungry regime that oppresses the masses and that after the elation of their hard-fought freedom dwindles, their day-to-day lives will be no better than they were, and they will taste the bitterness of disappointment. America the beautiful, the land of the free? PLEASE, it's the land of broken dreams and high taxes and unemployment and crime. People who are trying to make a difference in this world? God bless you, but the odds are so stacked against you.

See? Jadedness. It's so ugly.

I do recall now the last time I was truly inspired. It was when Obama won his first term. I remember being so proud to be an American, part of this awesome historic moment that I was convinced was going to change America for the better. I thought at the time that inspiration and hope COULD carry a presidency. But I learned that the only thing worse that a country who doesn't have hope in its government is a country who DID have hope in its government and was spectacularly let down.

Part of being jaded is that I see jadedness as an inevitable aspect of adulthood, particularly if you are a realist. It starts when you are a child, when an adult you trust breaks their first promise. When your parents live hypocritically ("do as I say, not as I do"). When you realize that sometimes, bad people end up getting good things, and good people end up getting nothing.

And in that respect I say: what's so great about being an adult?

It seems to me that the beauty of childhood is that children are still so full of hope. The possibilities are still endless, their trust in what's good in the world is unadulterated, their hopes and dreams are still big and pure.

Ah, to be inspired again.