Supposed to

One lesson I've learned as I've gotten older is that this notion of "supposed to" is a bunch of crock. I'm talking about the so-called rules of life that our parents, media and society impose upon us - that we try to impose upon ourselves. You're supposed to get good grades. You're supposed to go to college. You're supposed to date, get married, have children and live happily ever after. You're supposed to want that and aspire to it. There's this unspoken insinuation that if you do everything you're supposed to, then life will turn out like it's supposed to. You will be happy, or have lived a successful life, or something like that, which is also a bunch of crock.

Life is complicated and messy. There is no supposed to in real life. There is only what you actually do, the decisions you actually make. And none of that guarantees that life will end up a certain way.

I'm reading "Carry On, Warrior" again, for the third time. Next to the Bible, it is the book that gives me the most insight into the human condition (or maybe just my human condition) and comforts me with the knowledge that I am human and flawed, but unconditionally loved and forgiven. Thank God for Glennon Doyle Melton. In the book, she talks about how life is both brutal and beautiful. And it's not that life's moments are either brutal or beautiful, but that often, they are both brutal and beautiful at the same time. It's one of the very true things she says, among the other nine million true things in the book.

Life is brutal. And life is beautiful. Both, at the same time. And we can choose to see it as only brutal or only beautiful, but then we miss the wholeness of it. The brutality is what makes it beautiful. The beauty makes it ever more brutal. It's a big beautiful brutal mess. And what takes courage is showing up to every moment of your life, whether it's joyful or painful. That's another true thing said in the book - that courage is simply showing up. Showing up to your life, showing up for your friends. Sometimes that's all you can really do. Actually, its the best thing you can really do - just show up. Don't wait to show up until you have the right answer, or until you're good enough, or until you finish that errand, or until you feel ready. Just show up.

This is a good measure for yourself, but it's also a good measure of true friends. True friends are the ones who show up. That's love too, in a nutshell. Showing up. Glennon compares God's love to the sun. No matter what you've done or how bad you've been, the sun shows up every morning, ready to warm you without judgment. When I think about the people in my life by whom I feel most loved, it's just those people who show up when I need them. It's not what they say or do, but just the act of showing up. 

Another true thing in the book: Life is hard. Not because you're doing it wrong, but because life is just hard. Word. 

Currently, life is hard. It's brutal. And it's beautiful. And I'm just going to keep showing up.