So I've known this about myself for awhile - I'm really socially awkward. I think it makes me come off as totally outgoing and people-loving at times, and utterly anti-social and standoffish at others.
I HATE (HATE HATE HATE, with a passion!) networking events. I would rather be at home watering my plants than walk into a room full of people I don't know and try to make small-talk with them for the purpose of being acquaintances or business contacts. This is my idea of hell. I hate every aspect of it: small talk, meeting people for the primary purpose of not being a real friend, walking into a room of unknown people.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE social events with friends - dinners, drinks, barbecues, trips, parties, brunches, doesn't matter what. I love hanging out with people. By default, if someone I love loves you, I will like you, or at least not dislike you. So chances are, if I meet someone at a networking event, I will probably not warm to them but if I meet the same person at a dinner planned by a mutual friend, by the end of the night that person will probably think I'm their new best friend. Because I probably spent that evening asking a lot of deep, personal questions about them which makes them feel super connected to me, but they probably didn't reciprocate so in reality they know nothing about me other than that I was interested (or seemed interested) in them. The reason I ask so many questions is because I'm trying to find something in common - a school, a mutual friend, a shared interest. If there is something in common, I'll try to find a deeper connection about that. But if, as in most cases, there is nothing we share, I'll keep asking more and more questions about that person. And one thing I've realized is that most people love to talk about themselves. So the person I'm talking to, because I ask him/her so many personal questions, will think we connected and are going to be best friends, meanwhile I've completely forgotten the encounter immediately afterward because I felt no connection whatsoever.
Then that person will reach out to me asking to meet up for dinner, which I'll completely dodge because I'm thinking "why does this person want to meet up? we had nothing in common", and then my husband will point out to me that that person probably thinks we totally had a lot in common because we spent the entire night talking. But really, my default small talk is asking you a lot of questions about you so while you may have felt connected, if you didn't take the time to get to know me, I probably felt no connection with you.
Or, I actually may have really enjoyed our conversation but it takes me a really long time to actually warm to someone. Which is why my friends will point out to me that I'm so social and have a lot of friends but actually I think I only have a handful of FRIENDS, and just a lot of acquaintances. Recently I realized that sounds cold and anti-social so I renamed "acquaintances" as "social friends" (as opposed to "real friend", which is really the only context the word FRIEND should be used, in my opinion). That being said, I really enjoy time with social friends, I just prefer quality time with real friends.
Some of my best friends are people I really didn't like at first. Which I guess just means that I often make snap judgments about people, and then am proved wrong by their awesomeness.
I demand 100% loyalty and 100% honesty. I only ask for what I give. If I can't trust you to be honest with me, or if you can't take my honesty, we are probably doomed. Also, once I call you a FRIEND, I'm yours forever. It will take a lot to get rid of me.
I have this very strange habit of being extra mean to the people I love most. And in reverse, the moments where I knew a friend was a keeper was often when they made fun of me or made a frank observation about me which may have come off to others as mean or negative. I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like it's easy to be nice to anyone - that is after all the socially acceptable default - but it takes true friendship, or really being comfortable with someone, to be able to be mean to one another. I'm not mean to people I don't like - I just don't interact with them period because they don't exist to me. So basically, if I'm nice to you, we're probably just acquaintances; if I ignore you, I either dislike you or don't know who you are; and if I'm mean to you, I love you. This quirk probably limits how many people want to be my friend.
I have the WORST memory on the planet. So I will often seem surprised at hearing news you may have told me three times already. Which will make you think that I'm really strange or don't care. It's neither - I just forgot. Like amnesia forgot. Case in point - my friend L and I had the same very rare illness when we were young. And I would forget this fact every single time we talked about it. So it would come up in conversation at some point and I'd exclaim (for the 5th time): "omg L, you had guillan-barre too?! can't believe it, it's so rare!" And she would look at me like I was an alien and remind me that we had this EXACT same conversation 4 times before. Think Drew Barrymore in "Fifty First Dates."
On the other hand, I weirdly have a great memory for random things. And because I remember these random facts, you would think I would remember a meaningful conversation we had or a great memory we shared, but nope, that went into the black hole in my brain. I can't explain why - it has nothing to do with how important something is to me or how much I care. But it definitely makes for some awkward moments.
I HATE (HATE HATE HATE, with a passion!) networking events. I would rather be at home watering my plants than walk into a room full of people I don't know and try to make small-talk with them for the purpose of being acquaintances or business contacts. This is my idea of hell. I hate every aspect of it: small talk, meeting people for the primary purpose of not being a real friend, walking into a room of unknown people.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE social events with friends - dinners, drinks, barbecues, trips, parties, brunches, doesn't matter what. I love hanging out with people. By default, if someone I love loves you, I will like you, or at least not dislike you. So chances are, if I meet someone at a networking event, I will probably not warm to them but if I meet the same person at a dinner planned by a mutual friend, by the end of the night that person will probably think I'm their new best friend. Because I probably spent that evening asking a lot of deep, personal questions about them which makes them feel super connected to me, but they probably didn't reciprocate so in reality they know nothing about me other than that I was interested (or seemed interested) in them. The reason I ask so many questions is because I'm trying to find something in common - a school, a mutual friend, a shared interest. If there is something in common, I'll try to find a deeper connection about that. But if, as in most cases, there is nothing we share, I'll keep asking more and more questions about that person. And one thing I've realized is that most people love to talk about themselves. So the person I'm talking to, because I ask him/her so many personal questions, will think we connected and are going to be best friends, meanwhile I've completely forgotten the encounter immediately afterward because I felt no connection whatsoever.
Then that person will reach out to me asking to meet up for dinner, which I'll completely dodge because I'm thinking "why does this person want to meet up? we had nothing in common", and then my husband will point out to me that that person probably thinks we totally had a lot in common because we spent the entire night talking. But really, my default small talk is asking you a lot of questions about you so while you may have felt connected, if you didn't take the time to get to know me, I probably felt no connection with you.
Or, I actually may have really enjoyed our conversation but it takes me a really long time to actually warm to someone. Which is why my friends will point out to me that I'm so social and have a lot of friends but actually I think I only have a handful of FRIENDS, and just a lot of acquaintances. Recently I realized that sounds cold and anti-social so I renamed "acquaintances" as "social friends" (as opposed to "real friend", which is really the only context the word FRIEND should be used, in my opinion). That being said, I really enjoy time with social friends, I just prefer quality time with real friends.
Some of my best friends are people I really didn't like at first. Which I guess just means that I often make snap judgments about people, and then am proved wrong by their awesomeness.
I demand 100% loyalty and 100% honesty. I only ask for what I give. If I can't trust you to be honest with me, or if you can't take my honesty, we are probably doomed. Also, once I call you a FRIEND, I'm yours forever. It will take a lot to get rid of me.
I have this very strange habit of being extra mean to the people I love most. And in reverse, the moments where I knew a friend was a keeper was often when they made fun of me or made a frank observation about me which may have come off to others as mean or negative. I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like it's easy to be nice to anyone - that is after all the socially acceptable default - but it takes true friendship, or really being comfortable with someone, to be able to be mean to one another. I'm not mean to people I don't like - I just don't interact with them period because they don't exist to me. So basically, if I'm nice to you, we're probably just acquaintances; if I ignore you, I either dislike you or don't know who you are; and if I'm mean to you, I love you. This quirk probably limits how many people want to be my friend.
I have the WORST memory on the planet. So I will often seem surprised at hearing news you may have told me three times already. Which will make you think that I'm really strange or don't care. It's neither - I just forgot. Like amnesia forgot. Case in point - my friend L and I had the same very rare illness when we were young. And I would forget this fact every single time we talked about it. So it would come up in conversation at some point and I'd exclaim (for the 5th time): "omg L, you had guillan-barre too?! can't believe it, it's so rare!" And she would look at me like I was an alien and remind me that we had this EXACT same conversation 4 times before. Think Drew Barrymore in "Fifty First Dates."
On the other hand, I weirdly have a great memory for random things. And because I remember these random facts, you would think I would remember a meaningful conversation we had or a great memory we shared, but nope, that went into the black hole in my brain. I can't explain why - it has nothing to do with how important something is to me or how much I care. But it definitely makes for some awkward moments.
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