Today's a somber day. My manager went into surgery to remove the cancer in his small intestine - he'll be in surgery for 8 hours. His wife posted on FB that "it's in God's hands now." So true.
I've been really moved by the faith and resolve of D through the past month as he learned of his cancer. I can't imagine what that news must feel like. It's been humbling and inspiring to see the strength, cheer and wit with which he's faced this - his foremost concern has been spending quality time with his family before going into surgery and making sure he takes cares of their well-being for the "in case." While he's had his moments of "why is this happening to me?", largely he has resolved that it's in God's hands. And while I can't know what's going on in his head, he's seemed largely calm and peaceful through it all.
It really is in God's hands, isn't it? All of it, that is. And it's up to us to either fight against it and rebel, dwell in bitterness if it's not what we wanted, or trust and accept. Trust and accept. These days, it's a large part of my prayers to baby Jesus. Help me to trust you and accept with grace whatever may happen. It's a lot harder to do than say, especially for someone like me.
One thing I've realized is that when you submit to God, it really only works if you completely submit to God. Submitting only a little bit isn't really trusting him, and I've found that it doesn't result in the peace and grace of utter and complete submission. I've also realized that complete submission isn't something you decide once and then you're good. It's a daily thing. Every single day, I ask God to help me accept his will, and for the grace, peace and love to get me through it. And every day that I ask, he grants it.
In "Carry On, Warrior" (yes I'm going to continue to quote that book until the cows come home), Glennon Doyle Melton talks about the God-sized hole we all have, and how when she hit rock bottom as a single and pregnant drug addict and alcoholic, her God-sized hole had gotten so big that she was all hole, and God just stepped right in because when you're all hole, God fits. I couldn't agree more. When you are completely empty and helpless - when you are all hole - that is the most beautiful place to be because if you let God in, his grace fills you so completely. Never have I felt the peace and grace of God as utterly and completely as I did when I was at complete rock bottom - helpless, hopeless, at a loss. I truly felt in that encounter what it means to be completely held in God's embrace.
So it's a funny predicament we humans are in. When things are going just fine, it's hard to remember that we need God. So we go about ignoring him, finding fulfillment in ourselves and the people/world around us. Even if we feel the murmurings of the God-sized hole, we largely ignore it by keeping ourselves entertained and busy. But when things are not fine, when things are dire, we remember we need God. The worse the situation, the more this becomes clear. And when we ask for grace, he gives it. And he fills us with all the grace we need and we experience God's presence personally and tangibly. So my dilemma is - how do I continue to experience God's grace as tangibly on a daily basis without having to hit rock bottom every day? That's something I'm still learning - to realize that grace is there in the everyday stuff and recognize it when it's there.
It's hard to trust that things will be ok when things don't feel ok.
I've been really moved by the faith and resolve of D through the past month as he learned of his cancer. I can't imagine what that news must feel like. It's been humbling and inspiring to see the strength, cheer and wit with which he's faced this - his foremost concern has been spending quality time with his family before going into surgery and making sure he takes cares of their well-being for the "in case." While he's had his moments of "why is this happening to me?", largely he has resolved that it's in God's hands. And while I can't know what's going on in his head, he's seemed largely calm and peaceful through it all.
It really is in God's hands, isn't it? All of it, that is. And it's up to us to either fight against it and rebel, dwell in bitterness if it's not what we wanted, or trust and accept. Trust and accept. These days, it's a large part of my prayers to baby Jesus. Help me to trust you and accept with grace whatever may happen. It's a lot harder to do than say, especially for someone like me.
One thing I've realized is that when you submit to God, it really only works if you completely submit to God. Submitting only a little bit isn't really trusting him, and I've found that it doesn't result in the peace and grace of utter and complete submission. I've also realized that complete submission isn't something you decide once and then you're good. It's a daily thing. Every single day, I ask God to help me accept his will, and for the grace, peace and love to get me through it. And every day that I ask, he grants it.
In "Carry On, Warrior" (yes I'm going to continue to quote that book until the cows come home), Glennon Doyle Melton talks about the God-sized hole we all have, and how when she hit rock bottom as a single and pregnant drug addict and alcoholic, her God-sized hole had gotten so big that she was all hole, and God just stepped right in because when you're all hole, God fits. I couldn't agree more. When you are completely empty and helpless - when you are all hole - that is the most beautiful place to be because if you let God in, his grace fills you so completely. Never have I felt the peace and grace of God as utterly and completely as I did when I was at complete rock bottom - helpless, hopeless, at a loss. I truly felt in that encounter what it means to be completely held in God's embrace.
So it's a funny predicament we humans are in. When things are going just fine, it's hard to remember that we need God. So we go about ignoring him, finding fulfillment in ourselves and the people/world around us. Even if we feel the murmurings of the God-sized hole, we largely ignore it by keeping ourselves entertained and busy. But when things are not fine, when things are dire, we remember we need God. The worse the situation, the more this becomes clear. And when we ask for grace, he gives it. And he fills us with all the grace we need and we experience God's presence personally and tangibly. So my dilemma is - how do I continue to experience God's grace as tangibly on a daily basis without having to hit rock bottom every day? That's something I'm still learning - to realize that grace is there in the everyday stuff and recognize it when it's there.
It's hard to trust that things will be ok when things don't feel ok.
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