Mrs.

We did it! El Hombre and I are married. We’d been together almost 5 years and lived together almost 2 years, so I didn’t think it would feel that different, but actually, it really does. Being married has so much more…weight, in a good way. I feel so much more committed and solid with El Hombre, even though not much changed other than signing a legal piece of paper (oh yeah, and those vows about forever in front of 60 of our closest friends and family). I LOVE being Senora El Hombre. 

I knew it before, but I feel even more confident about it now – El Hombre is the perfect man for me. No one else truly understands how I think or how I feel (except maybe my brother), especially when it comes to the complex feelings I have towards my parents. When I was younger I used to tell my grandmother and closest friends that I didn’t think I could marry someone from a normal, unbroken family because I didn’t think such a person could ever understand me – how it feels to be raised in a broken family with parents who never keep their promises, put you in uncomfortable situations, don’t know what it means to be a mother or father but expect you to revere them as such. While his family dynamics were not exactly the same as mine, El Hombre had a somewhat similar childhood, and I think that, more than anything, is what allows us to fundamentally understand each other emotionally. Because as I get older, I realize that as much as friends try to understand and empathize with you, most people cannot understand the dark, complex emotions I have towards my parents, and how that shapes how I think about love, marriage and family.

Which is why I am so thankful to God & the universe for bringing El Hombre into my life – someone who so fundamentally gets me. During our wedding weekend, my uncle (who was my legal guardian for a couple years in high school and gave the prayer at our wedding) told El Hombre and me that he wished us a happy marriage, one that broke the pattern of our families. With El Hombre, I actually believe it’s quite possible that we have a chance – at a happy, solid, lifelong marriage, an unbroken family. I don’t think either of us have any illusions about marriage – we know it’s hard work, we’ve seen it fail in our families again and again, and seen how much hurt can be caused.  Because of how our parents’ failed marriages (and ensuing actions/mistakes) hurt us growing up, we’re willing to work harder to make sure we don’t repeat the mistakes of our parents so that our children will have normal, happy childhoods (albeit with a self-confessed future tiger mom).

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I know it’s totally cliché, but my wedding day was the best day of my life. When else do you get to ask all of your loved ones to gather together to eat, drink and celebrate with you? If ever I was thankful to Baby Jesus for my life, it was during my wedding week. It was the week during which everything I wanted came together in one amazing experience – to be honest, the things that happened during my wedding week made me believe in miracles and prayer – not the grandiose miracles of Biblical times when water turned into wine, but the smaller miracles of our time, the things that make you realize that life is not just all random or coincidental.

First, as soon as I arrived in Bali and opened my emails, two of my prayers were answered – I received an offer to go in-house with a great company in my ideal role, and the potential tenants my brother found for my condo had signed a lease and transferred the deposit (my condo had been sitting empty for a month and I had begged my brother and prayed to God that a new tenant would be found before by brother left for Asia, since that would mean at least another 2-4 weeks of no rent). Those had been my two biggest worries in the last month.  When God answered those two prayers (while I was en route to my wedding destination), I knew that the wedding would all work out perfectly.

The Friday before our wedding was gray and overcast with a forecast of potential rain on our wedding day. My family was worried and asked if I had a contingency plan but I brushed their concerns away because I knew for a fact that the weather would clear up and be perfect. And it was. The only slight hiccup was when my mom got caught in Bali’s awful traffic and was 30 minutes late to the wedding. Our wedding coordinator told me that the officiant and string trio could wait another ten minutes, but that they’d have to start the ceremony if my mom didn’t arrive by then. My bridesmaids who were waiting with me can attest – I had been stressing out and watching the front gate of the villa for my mom’s arrival, but finally I decided I needed some divine intervention and said a quick prayer. Literally the second I ended the prayer, my mom’s taxi entered the driveway.

I won’t go into all the details or everything that made the day amazing, but it was the best day of my life. Not just because I was finally able to realize my dream of going on vacation with all of my closest friends and family, but because I got to do it with El Hombre, and because it was the start of our lives together – I feel so much more confident about the future knowing that I get to go through it with El Hombre as my partner. Life is good. Thanks God.