Sacrifices

In real world terms, I recognize I am overpaid. I don't perform back-breaking labor, I don't save lives. But I think the main reason people in my profession get paid generously is because from time to time, we are called to sacrifice our personal lives for work. And often, the reasons for which we have to sacrifice our personal lives are just plain stupid, or worse - totally arbitrary.

I've given up a Thanksgiving and a Christmas because of work. I've cancelled too many lunches and dinners with friends to count. I've postponed vacations and over the years I've learned that I can't plan for anything too ahead of time because I have no idea whether I'll actually be free a month or two from now. As a result, I often wait until only a week or two before to book a vacation or RSVP to weddings or events. I've had to become the kind of person I hate because of my profession: a flake, someone who can't live up to their promises. I've had to miss out on attending both major and minor events in my friends' and family's lives. But I've also had months on months of "tai tai" life between deals - where my day consists of coffee breaks, long lunches, mani-pedi appointments and gab sessions with friends/co-workers at the office. So perhaps it all balances out, in the long run.

Except it really doesn't. Yes, I feel very fortunate when I'm between deals and get to enjoy tons of free time and still get paid. But hovering over you at all times is the risk that you could be called in any moment and you will have to DROP EVERYTHING to attend to client/partner demands. And somehow, Murphy's Law seems to kick in EXACTLY when it hurts the most.

I'd been looking forward to attending my cousin's wedding for months. We grew up together until my parents' divorce moved me across the world, and because I ended up settling down in Cali, I almost never get to see my family in Virginia (where almost all of my mom's side of the family lives). It was one thing when I lived in Cali because I'd try to make it out to VA during at least one of the holidays, but after moving to Asia, I have to use my vacations to go visit my family in Cali, so haven't been able to get out to VA for four years now. I was SO looking forward to my cousin's wedding, not just because we were close growing up, but because I was just really looking forward to attending a huge family event for that side of the family and seeing everyone for the first time in years.

So of course, a colleague of mine chose EXACTLY 36 hours before I was supposed to get on a jetplane for VA to have a breakdown and drop off a deal, which very inconveniently managed to fall into my lap. I will never forgive him for it, because the way he handled it is just about the most irresponsible thing I've ever encountered in my professional life. I understand getting burnt out, I understand cracking under pressure, but the way he handled it - just completely going MIA in the middle of a deal and dropping unfinished due diligence in my lap, which needs to get turned around by Monday - just flabbergasts me. It's one of the worst situations I can think of for a corporate associate - for someone who has been managing the diligence process to just drop it (unfinished) in your lap and disappear. It's akin to an air controller just disappearing and someone having to take their place but having no idea where the planes are going or supposed to land, but being responsible if any of the planes end up crashing.

 Needless to say, I had to cancel my plans to attend my cousin's wedding and see my VA family, who I haven't seen in over FOUR YEARS. BLAH. I really hate this job sometimes.