Thankful

This time last year, I was cooking up Thanksgiving dinner for my family in my beloved apartment in my beloved city on a wonderfully balmy day, after which my entire family packed up the next morning and headed off to Tahoe, where the balmy weather translated to no snow but we managed to have a good time anyway gambling and eating together and where I kept winning enough jackpots on the slot machines to pay for every single one of our meals.

This year is slightly different. I no longer live in my beloved apartment in my beloved city and my Thanksgiving dinner last night consisted of lobster & avocado salad, tagliatelle al nero (black squid ink pasta - my fave!) with clams, tiramisu, red wine and cappuccino in...Bali. Thankfully, G ended up coming to Bali with me so we spent an amazing four days horseback riding, biking through villages and rice paddies, wakeboarding, spa-ing and eating. In hindsight, I think I might have gone a little nutty in Bali by myself for an entire week. Being in humid, tropical Bali, it doesn't seem possible that it's actually Thanksgiving in the US. I think I would have been sadder if I were still in Tokyo, where no matter how busy I keep, and despite the fact that I'm honestly having a good time, I feel the absence of home deeply, every day.

But as it is Thanksgiving, reflecting on the last year, I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm thankful that I'm employed with the opportunity to live abroad. I'm thankful that despite many health scares in the past year for my family, everyone is healthy. I'm thankful that in the past year, I got to spend time living at home - as adults, we forge our independence and separation from our families, which is the only sane and very necessary route, but in doing so I think we also lose that intimate tie we had with our parents and siblings - the combination of annoyance, everyday understanding and easy familiarity that can only come from living together under the same roof. I'm thankful for all the traveling I was able to do, my favorite luxury, ever ever ever. But most of all, I'm thankful for my family and friends, without whom life would hold no joy or meaning.

***

In Bali, some people are nice and some people aren't, and you can tell from their expressions or their body language which one they are. Some people smile, some people scowl, some have no expression, some look happy, some look sad, some look tired, some look hot and sweaty (the Australians), some look beautiful and groomed (the French). Cars honk. People talk in their outdoor voices. If you ask a restaurant to substitute penne for linguine, they will easily do so. If you ask for more hot water for your teapot, they will gladly refill your pot. People act how they feel. This all sounds very normal, because IT IS. It's how the rest of the world operates, mostly. Except in Japan. Being in Bali reminds me of what it feels like to live in a normal society. And it makes me realize that deep down (or is it on the surface as well?), I really despise Japan a little bit. Because while Tokyo may be a clean, modern, sanitized, orderly city with lots of eating and entertainment options and an efficient transportation system, it is also a vacuous, soulless, heartless city with no real character. Tokyo has no depth. I really can't describe it in any other way than to say that it has no soul and no heart. It is good for what it is - like dating a beautiful but brainless man/woman, it attracts you with its superficial good looks but you can never truly love it/him/her because it's just so...dumb.

In Tokyo, if you ask a restaurant to substitute anything, you will get a confused, blank stare and a reply that goes something like: but the menu says "_____." If you ask for more hot water for your teapot, they will require you to buy an entire new order of tea. If you ask them to give your apartment key to your boyfriend who is visiting for a couple days, they will reply with a long complicated email asking whether you have your company's permission and noting that it's not in their policy and that they will need to check with management and that it may require extra fees because of the linens and extra breakfast required, etc. until you reply with a CLEARLY annoyed email replying that you don't need your company's goddamn permission to have your boyfriend visit you and that you were told when you signed your goddamn lease that you could have visitors and that you don't require extra freaking linens and that you won't eat the crappy ass breakfast (cornflakes or toast) and that they are fucking ruining your travels by being such amazing pains in the ass. After which they will reply with the answer they should have given you in the FIRST place: we will be happy to do as you asked. Damn right you will, so why couldn't you have just said that from the beginning instead of raising my annoyance level and reminding me how freaking ANNOYING and passive aggressive and robotic and utterly inane the Japanese are?

Sorry, needed to rant because just the idea of returning to Tokyo in a few days makes me more edgy and annoyed - if you've only visited Tokyo, you don't know what I'm talking about, but anyone who has lived in Tokyo knows the feeling of repressed, exhausting, angry annoyance that bubbles below the surface when you live in Tokyo - because there are too many goddamn rules (written and unwritten), people are too freaking two-faced and passive aggressive (and I for one am still not able to ever discern what they really mean or feel) and you're just...generally not allowed to act the way you want or feel. Your freedom of expression is severely repressed when living in Tokyo.

***

On to happier topics that don't make me explode in insulting rants. I'm going to go wakeboarding again this afternoon, then finish reading The Lacuna. Aaaah, more relaxed and happier already.