Now that I'm married and have passed both the ideal child-bearing age (roughly 24 - 32?) and the acceptable post-wedding impregnation period (roughly 2 years) and have to endure family members giving me advice on how to be more fertile and because they're Asian and have no boundaries or tact, asking grossly inappropriate questions about our sex life, I realize that it's really very invasive to ask anyone about babies or fertility or if they want children or are planning to have children or trying to have children. Because what if they are trying, but it's not working? What if they had a miscarriage? What if they are having marital problems? What if they just don't want children? You don't know anyone's situation, so to ask something so personal as lightly as how the weather is, is just not ok.
These days when my grandmother asks me why I'm not pregnant yet, I tell her - "I don't know halmuni, go ask God."
It's so ironic that we spend most of our adult life trying NOT to get pregnant, and then when you do try to get pregnant, you find out that it's really hard to get pregnant - there are so many things that have to be perfectly aligned and go exactly right for a life to be formed and brought into the world.
Early in our marriage when we were trying to get pregnant and I saw that disappointing single line on a pregnancy test, I'd be wreaked with anxiety and sadness and "WHY NOT ME, GOD??"
But recently I've had a change of heart. Not a sudden one, more of a gradual acceptance. You don't always get everything you want in life. That is a simple fact, it's not meant to be pessimistic, just realistic. The sooner you can accept that fact - truly accept it - the more peaceful some aspects of your life become. And I've slowly accepted that it's possible that I may not get to be a mother. And yes, I realize there are other options - adoption, surrogacy, etc. But I don't have the heart to adopt, and that's ok. And I don't want to go through science to get pregnant - surrogacy, IVF, IUI. And I don't mean that I'm against those methods - God bless everyone who is trying to conceive life in any way possible. I just mean that it's not for me. I either want to get pregnant the natural way, or I accept that the universe doesn't want me to have children.
Accepting that has made trying to get pregnant so much less stressful. I still experience a twinge of sadness when Aunt Flo makes an appearance and I still ask God: "why not me?" but I no longer feel devastated. The way I see it now, a preggers test is good news either way: positive means you get a baby! Negative means you get to drink wine and coffee and eat cheese and sushi! Win win.
These days when my grandmother asks me why I'm not pregnant yet, I tell her - "I don't know halmuni, go ask God."
It's so ironic that we spend most of our adult life trying NOT to get pregnant, and then when you do try to get pregnant, you find out that it's really hard to get pregnant - there are so many things that have to be perfectly aligned and go exactly right for a life to be formed and brought into the world.
Early in our marriage when we were trying to get pregnant and I saw that disappointing single line on a pregnancy test, I'd be wreaked with anxiety and sadness and "WHY NOT ME, GOD??"
But recently I've had a change of heart. Not a sudden one, more of a gradual acceptance. You don't always get everything you want in life. That is a simple fact, it's not meant to be pessimistic, just realistic. The sooner you can accept that fact - truly accept it - the more peaceful some aspects of your life become. And I've slowly accepted that it's possible that I may not get to be a mother. And yes, I realize there are other options - adoption, surrogacy, etc. But I don't have the heart to adopt, and that's ok. And I don't want to go through science to get pregnant - surrogacy, IVF, IUI. And I don't mean that I'm against those methods - God bless everyone who is trying to conceive life in any way possible. I just mean that it's not for me. I either want to get pregnant the natural way, or I accept that the universe doesn't want me to have children.
Accepting that has made trying to get pregnant so much less stressful. I still experience a twinge of sadness when Aunt Flo makes an appearance and I still ask God: "why not me?" but I no longer feel devastated. The way I see it now, a preggers test is good news either way: positive means you get a baby! Negative means you get to drink wine and coffee and eat cheese and sushi! Win win.
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