I was thinking about time today. How we don't have enough. How it slips between our fingers. How this moment - this moment - is absolutely unique and will never be again.
I recently spent two weeks with my grandmother in Seoul and HK. On time: 1) it's heartbreaking to see how old and frail she's become - how her memory is starting to fail her, and how that scares her, as it would scare anyone. 2) We spent a lot of time doing nothing - just sitting and watching TV or taking walks together. At the time, those moments seemed so insignificant and mundane, but even in immediate hindsight now that she's returned to the US, I see how precious those moments were. It's all the insignificant and mundane moments that make up shared memories, and it's those shared moments and memories that give life meaning. 3) It's funny (in a sad way) that while IN the mundane moment, it doesn't seem that special, but when the moment has passed, in hindsight, you can see how poignant and meaningful each moment was. Why can't we - why can't I - realize it IN the moment? Why can't I make that moment stop and hold it there - if not forever, then at least for awhile? And finally, 4) that's exactly what makes time so precious - that we can't hold it, that we can't evade it, that whether we like it or not, whether we cooperate or not, time passes.
I also reminisced about the path that El Hombre and I have been on together. It's a funny thing - who would have thought that a random stranger we met on a ski trip would end up being our life partner? Who would have thought that a great conversation over dinner would one day lead us to get engaged in Hong Kong, married in Bali and now, start a new chapter of our life together in Singapore? You never know how one single moment could change the course of your life forever.
It seems to me that many people live their lives either trying to turn back the clock (trying to look/act younger than they are, trying to hold on to youth) or trying to speed up the clock (trying to look/act older than they are), or either living in/getting stuck in the past, or living for the future (delaying gratification). I admit, I'm guilty of all of the above. But when I have the lucidity to remember how precious time is, I try to live in the moment, for today. Appreciating the moment - whether it is just taking a walk and remembering to be thankful, or spending time with loved ones, or reveling in the wonders and joys of life. I try to squeeze the hell out of life and get every drop it will give me, because if I don't, I won't have made the most out of this temporary, very quickly fleeting gift called life.
I was trying to remember a quote from The Time Traveller's Wife (I didn't bring my copy with me to HK), I think in the letter that Henry leaves for Clare when he knows he is going to die, about time never being enough, and then telling her not to wait for him. One of the reasons I love the book so much is because to me, it really illustrates how fleeting time is, but how love is what makes time so precious.
Ugh, thinking about all of this makes me weepy, so I'm going to stop.
I recently spent two weeks with my grandmother in Seoul and HK. On time: 1) it's heartbreaking to see how old and frail she's become - how her memory is starting to fail her, and how that scares her, as it would scare anyone. 2) We spent a lot of time doing nothing - just sitting and watching TV or taking walks together. At the time, those moments seemed so insignificant and mundane, but even in immediate hindsight now that she's returned to the US, I see how precious those moments were. It's all the insignificant and mundane moments that make up shared memories, and it's those shared moments and memories that give life meaning. 3) It's funny (in a sad way) that while IN the mundane moment, it doesn't seem that special, but when the moment has passed, in hindsight, you can see how poignant and meaningful each moment was. Why can't we - why can't I - realize it IN the moment? Why can't I make that moment stop and hold it there - if not forever, then at least for awhile? And finally, 4) that's exactly what makes time so precious - that we can't hold it, that we can't evade it, that whether we like it or not, whether we cooperate or not, time passes.
I also reminisced about the path that El Hombre and I have been on together. It's a funny thing - who would have thought that a random stranger we met on a ski trip would end up being our life partner? Who would have thought that a great conversation over dinner would one day lead us to get engaged in Hong Kong, married in Bali and now, start a new chapter of our life together in Singapore? You never know how one single moment could change the course of your life forever.
It seems to me that many people live their lives either trying to turn back the clock (trying to look/act younger than they are, trying to hold on to youth) or trying to speed up the clock (trying to look/act older than they are), or either living in/getting stuck in the past, or living for the future (delaying gratification). I admit, I'm guilty of all of the above. But when I have the lucidity to remember how precious time is, I try to live in the moment, for today. Appreciating the moment - whether it is just taking a walk and remembering to be thankful, or spending time with loved ones, or reveling in the wonders and joys of life. I try to squeeze the hell out of life and get every drop it will give me, because if I don't, I won't have made the most out of this temporary, very quickly fleeting gift called life.
I was trying to remember a quote from The Time Traveller's Wife (I didn't bring my copy with me to HK), I think in the letter that Henry leaves for Clare when he knows he is going to die, about time never being enough, and then telling her not to wait for him. One of the reasons I love the book so much is because to me, it really illustrates how fleeting time is, but how love is what makes time so precious.
Ugh, thinking about all of this makes me weepy, so I'm going to stop.
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